If it happened to me again, there is no other way I would do it.
Hopefully I won’t have too, but I would choose spontaneous abortion in a heartbeat. The closure that I felt after my last experience, the completeness, made me realize there is no other way I would rather deal with a second, or first, trimester miscarriage. The experience was so positive for me that I highly recommend waiting for a spontaneous abortion to any woman that has to deal with a fetal death! I felt the perfection of my body. My body knew exactly what to do. I don’t think that is the kind of feeling that comes over you after, first, your baby dies, then you have to have a medical procedure to remove it. A dead baby then surgery, induction, or suctioning it out, now that is traumatizing. You would probably feel like your body is real f***** up after that. My baby died and then came out perfectly and naturally. Okay, maybe I am weird, but to me that is super cool. It changed me, when it happened I could not ignore what came with it. It was not convenient. It was healing.
The whole process demanded my attention. I had to deal with the emotions once I realized the baby died, the labor, the remains of pregnancy on my body, and the remains of our baby. It was pretty intense. It took a total of 13 hours. It didn’t complete until I let go of my expectations of pregnancy and a live birth. Thirty minutes after I gave in, when I was emotionally ready, my body let her go and she came out perfectly, still attached to her cord and placenta. I had to let go, it was part of the healing. Then I had to deal with my body afterward. I was making milk for a dead baby. I bled heavily for at least a week. I was shedding so much uterine lining, at certain points overflowing my diva cup minutes after dumping it. It was like a crazy intense period for at least a week, with a lot of crying. Having babies and miscarriages is bloody and intense, being a woman is no joke! Women are crazy, crazy cool! We were actually able to bury her also. A hospital procedure means you will probably never see the remains. Inspecting and burying the little thing was what gave me the most closure, but witnessing the power of my body and the abortion was unforgettable to say the least. The whole process was fascinating.
I encourage any woman who is faced with a fetal death to give yourself and your body time to deal. Let it abort spontaneously and experience your body at it’s finest. We are women, pregnancy, and miscarriage impacts us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The process is important. Consider being able to process the death of your beloved child like I was able to, by letting nature take it’s course. I felt closure. I felt the completeness of my pregnancy and the end of my baby’s life – to the fullest extent. I was amazed. Now, you do not have to deal with a spontaneous abortion at home alone like I did to get the full experience. You can absolutely still have the comfort and attention of a care provider. There is, however, no medical treatment for fetal death that is going to leave you feeling the kind of amazement that I felt. I could also be wrong about that, maybe for someone else medical treatment would be a better option. Treatment, or surgery would get the baby out quicker. There is, however, risk in having something medical done to remove the remains. The placenta would have to be forcefully loosened from the uterus, risking damage to the uterine wall and compromising future pregnancies. Spontaneous abortion in general, but especially for a second trimester miscarriage is maybe a harder choice, but it is also a very powerful choice that makes for an incredible feeling of confidence and strength. That is something.